Bad-ass Bible Verses

Y’all are probably up on this stuff already, but Matt just sent me a link to an article about the next 25 years of video games. It was pretty funny. I’d give it 7 out of 10 (“heh. That was pretty funny.”)

Electronic Arts could crank out a Shrek 9 game in a couple of weeks that features nothing more than Shrek standing in your front yard, quietly staring and occasionally farting. The whole time your brain will be telling you it’s the most fun you’ve ever had.

Then I clicked on a story about the The 10 Most Irritatingly Impossible Old-School Video Games which I rate “ooh my cheekbones hurt”.

Saddest moment: Discovering that crouching allows Luke to put a little extra into his jumps, and realizing that the once-menacing star pilot has been reduced to nothing better than a platform-hopping, overweight plumber.

But then I found The 9 Most Bad-ass Bible Verses and snot came out of my nose.

“Emasculated by crushing?” Gah! Everything in the Bible has to be understood in context of the times these people were living in. And, apparently, these people lived in a time when “crushing” the nuts was so common that the crushed-nuts victims were an entire demographic that had to be accounted for in the law.

I don’t think I will sleep tonight. Thanks Matt.

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Ragged Clown

Based in San Jose, California

3 thoughts on “Bad-ass Bible Verses”

  1. Epilogue: By the time I got to the end of “The 10 most ridiculous inventions ever patented”, I had blown out all my laughing muscles and was just kind of groaning.

    “The terrorists may have gotten the Twin Towers, but we got the User-Operated Amusement Apparatus For Kicking the User’s Buttocks. I’m gonna have to call this one a draw. “

  2. I have beaten Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Punch Out, Mega Man and Contra. TMNT was by far the hardest, and to this day one of the hardest games I ever completed.

    Ninja Gaiden, Friday the 13th, Ghosts and Goblins and Solomon’s Key I played but was not able to beat.

    The other two I never played.

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