Ragged Clown

It's just a shadow you're seeing that he's chasing…


All about seizures

I originally went to the doctor because I could smell phantom smells. The neurosurgeon said these smells were actually seizures and he gave me an anti-seizure medication. I did a bit of research when I got home and everything I read said they were not seizures. Seizures last for seconds; minutes at most. My smells would last for hours; days even. I asked for a second opinion. I specifically asked for someone who was not a neurosurgeon. “Not a neurosurgeon, eh?” he said.

The neuro-oncologist said “Hmmm… Doesn’t sound like a seizure to me. I’ll send you to a neurologist.

A seizure is a sudden, uncontrolled burst of electrical activity in the brain. It can cause changes in behavior, movements, feelings and levels of consciousness.

Mayo Clinic

The neurologist said “Nope. Not seizures. But you can carry on taking the anti-seizure medication if you like.” I carried on taking the medication until I forgot it when we went on holiday to Tenerife.

It’s a year later and I am finally having seizures. They are usually at night or in the morning so you probably won’t see one. They always start with a massive electrical storm that feels like a nightmare where I am on a fairground ride that spins me around too fast before it crashes.

around ‘n around ‘n around

Last night, I knew what was happening so I was able to wake Mrs Clown and ask for help.

I lose my language every time but I am perfectly lucid and able to understand what is going on (remember this the next time a philosopher argues that consciousness depends on language). I can think clearly but I don’t know any words. I remember everything.

Mrs Clown always gives me one of those quizzes where you test the patient for alertness. I usually get my name right — and Bob Dylan’s! — and I was quite close with my birthday. I forgot the dog’s name though… and my children’s. Last night I remembered that my address was “Crescent and something. Two syllables. Starts with a ‘W'”.

Eventually, my words come back and sometimes the pounding headache goes away too. The rest of the time I am fine except for a few misplaced nouns. Last night we were able to get back to sleep and everything was fine in the morning.

You put my feet back on the ground
Did you know you brought me around
You were sweet and you were sound
You saved me

Somersault, Zero 7

I don’t know how long this will go on for. It might end tomorrow or next year. Maybe it will be another 20 years. Who knows?