The Intruder

Scene:

It’s 3am at the Hotel Fifty. Only the rumble of the train and the roar of the traffic disturbs the silence of the over-active air-conditioner. Our hero is sleeping softly.

*door creaks*

*door slams*

Mysterious Stranger: Fuck! What is this shit??!

Our hero awakes.  Startled by the noise and the stranger in his room, he sits bolt upright in his bed.

*stranger disrobes*

Our Hero:  Who the fuck are you?

Stranger: Who the fuck are YOU?

Our hero gets out of bed wearing his usual sleeping attire, which is to say: nothing.

Our Hero: Get the fuck out of my room!
*Stranger jabs finger at our hero’s naked chest*
Stranger: No! YOU get the fuck out of MY room!

Our hero and the stranger are now eyeball to eyeball. It is evident that the stranger is very, very drunk.

Our Hero: You need to leave, RIGHT NOW!

Stranger: No! YOU need to leave right now!

Dialog continues in this vein for several minutes before….

Stranger: Fuck this! I am going to bed!

Stranger gets in Our Hero’s bed.

Our hero calls the front desk…

Our Hero (agitated): There is an intruder in my room.

Voice on Phone: There is an intruder in your Room? How did he get in?

Our Hero: I don’t know. He just showed up.

Voice on Phone: I’ll be right there.

*our Hero puts on some shorts*

*time passes*

*knock on door*

*our hero indicates strange man in his bed*

Hotel Dude: You need to leave! Right now!
Stranger in Bed: No! he needs to leave! right now!

*Stranger notices pile of our Hero’s dirty laundry*
*Stranger throws laundry at our hero*

Stranger: get your fucking shit out of my room!

Hotel Dude: I’m calling the police.

* time passes*
* stranger leaves*

Police: do you want to press charges
Our hero: I just want to sleep.

Hotel dude: make sure you put the bar thing on your door.
Our hero: ya,thanks. I will.

Published by

Ragged Clown

Based in San Jose, California

9 thoughts on “The Intruder”

  1. I LOL’d sooo sooo much!! It’s funny now, but am I glad I wasn’t with you!! I like the hero mentioned…he seems like a cool dude!

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