Don’t chew so loud

“I can’t allow my husband to go grocery shopping with me because whenever we get to the salad dressing aisle he has to shake each bottle of salad dressing whose solid contents have settled to the bottom. Italian dressings and oil based dressings are particularly bad for him. Depending on the size of the salad dressing section this can take up to a half an hour. Also, I don’t keep dressings like that in the house because he will shake them each time he opens the refrigerator door. Sometimes I suspect he goes to the fridge for that purpose and no other.”

I just wasted a perfectly good hour going through this entire site – http://iamneurotic.com/ – putting Gs or Ks next to every entry.

“Whenever I enter a room, I have to say “Hello, room.” It doesn’t matter if there are people in the room or not. People generally make the greeting a bit more awkward, but I feel disrespectful if I just walk in without saying anything. This is also necessary when I get in the car.”

I don’t do exactly this, but whenever we move house (which is quite often – see Where we used to live) I have to say goodbye to every room.

“Sometimes the way people chew makes me twitch. Apples and Cheetos are two of the most common offenders. If I ever go on a killing spree, you’ll probably find that someone was chewing ice next to me at the moment I snapped.”

Oh dear. I think I know the woman that wrote that one.

“When riding in a car on the highway, I feel compelled to imagine a ball bouncing over each telephone/electrical pole in succession. Uneven spacing is a serious problem, as the imagined ball is sort of sluggish.”

I did this when I was little.

“Sometimes I get really scared that a loved one is going to drop dead and I have to call them to make sure they’re still alive. If they don’t answer I freak out a tiny bit more than is called for.”

Or doesn’t turn their computer on so they can be Skyped? Or when there is a fire within 200 miles of a loved one? Or ….

Final score: 9 Ks, 12 Gs.

I look forward to reading your scores in the comments.

Published by

Ragged Clown

Based in San Jose, California

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