In the last couple of days, one of my offspring had me explain why the British flag looks like three flags schmusched together and the other had me dancing to God Save the Queen.

After we had reviewed the whole history of the flag, offspring #1 and I agreed that, while it is a beautiful flag already, it would look so much better with a big, red, Welsh dragon in the middle of it. Offspring #2 and I disagreed, however, on whether God Save the Queen was a meaningless dirge and possibly the worst national anthem in the world (I was in favour of the motion).

By an odd cosmic coincidence, the people in charge back in the old country are considering proposals for replacing both the flag and the anthem. The main complaint about the flag is - you guessed it! - not enough dragons. Apparently the Welsh want more dragons on the flag for some reason.

According to this blog at The Guardian, God Save the Queen “seems unlikely to upset anyone bar the most ardent republican” but given that, on the most recent census 15.5% of Britons claimed ‘no religion’ and another 7.3% declined to answer, he might have to lump in the atheists with the republicans; throw in the people who can’t stand droning, inane, funereal dirges and I think we have a majority.

The suggestions in the comments of his blog though are quite fantastic.

Among my favourites:

Jerusalem would seem an apt choice with it’s talk of “Englands green unpleasant land” and “dark satanic hills”

jerusalem would be perfect… or abba’s super-trooper.

the peter sellers version pf ‘goodness gracious me’ is perhaps ther greatest multicultural song ever written.

Our national anthem *should* be the theme from “The Archers”.

Can’t we just use the French national anthem - it is so much better

On Ilkley Moor B’tat

Until the new hymn is in place, the England football team will never win anything !!!

Why don’t we just adopt the US national anthem? It would be a tribute to the “special relationship”. Maybe we could call ours the Star-spangled banner jr?

my vote - until I hear a better suggestion - goes to that cheery, deeply philosophical masterpiece “Always Look On the Bright Side of Life”.

No song says ‘England’ better than “I’m ‘enry the Eighth I am I am”. And when it’s sung at sporting events the English players whould be made to mime actions to the song. There.

I have a soft spot for Jerusalem as it was my school hymn and, reading all the comments about how Blake was using the religious imagery ironically, methinks it would not be a bad choice. That or Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds.

Ever played Brain Age? Remember the one where you have to remember a sequence of numbers that is flashed briefly on the screen and you have to tap them in order after they disappear? How fast could you do it? This fast?

Researchers in Japan showed that humans and young chimps could both perform the task wit 80% accuracy when the images were displayed for 7 tenths of a second but performance dropped off dramatically for the humans as the exposure time was reduced. The chimp in the video still achieved 80% accuracy when the images were displayed for only 2 tenths of a second. [AP]

What is Parentism?

Many traditionalists have become concerned about the growing influence of the so-called New Parentists. This militant group believes that most Christmas presents are purchased and given to children by parents or other family members.

What is External Delivery?

From the Commicast of the Delivery Institute,

External delivery refers to a scientific research program as well as a community of older kids, teachers, and other adults who seek evidence of external sources of Christmas presents. The theory of external delivery holds that certain features of how Christmas presents are delivered each year are best explained by an external source, not an internal source such as your parents.

Is External Delivery the same as Santa Clausism?

No. The theory of external delivery is only concerned with empirically testing whether Christmas presents are delivered by an external agent, or an internal agent such as your parents. Santa Clausism typically starts with the premise that Santa Claus is delivering presents, and then seeks to fit the evidence to that theory. The theory of external delivery has developed strictly from objective interpretations of the empirical evidence.

Join the campaign to Teach the Controversy now!

There are many reasons to adopt this “teach the controversy” approach.

First, constitutional law permits it. In the controlling Edwards v. Aguillard case, the Supreme Court ruled that it is permissible to teach students about both alternative scientific theories of origins and scientific criticism of prevailing theories.

Second, federal education policy calls for it. The authoritative report language accompanying the No Child Left Behind act states that “where topics are taught that may generate controversy (such as biological evolution), the curriculum should help students to understand the full range of views that exist.”